Dealing With Difficult People
by Daryl Daughtry, Publisher
– You can listen to the article here.
Do you have joy-stealers in your life? You know… the people who steal your joy. I’m talking about the gossipers, the criticizers, the complainers, the fault-finders, and the judgers.
The world is full of difficult people – family, friends, coworkers, customers, and even complete strangers. If you haven’t already, you will inevitably come across people who are difficult to be around. These people, sometimes without even realizing it, will sabotage your mindset and your progress towards living a better life.
Difficult people are drainers. They drain the energy out of you needed to propel you forward in life. They hold you back from realizing your true potential.
Do you know someone that is just plain negative about everything? Maybe you work with them. Or maybe they’re family. Either way, you probably notice how emotionally draining it is to be around that person for an extended period of time.
Even if you start the day in a fantastic mood, spending just an hour or two with that person can make you plummet into a negative state of mind and ruin your entire day?
That’s the definition of a difficult person. They drag you down. And unfortunately, the more time you spend with them, the worse off your emotional state tends to be. It’s unfortunate, and hard to deal with.
In most cases, you won’t need any help identifying a difficult person. It’s so obvious that it smacks you in the face. But sometimes our love for others can blind us from recognizing the people that are bad for us. Common culprits include big bullies, drama queens, know-it-alls, negative nellies, and others.
So, if you know of someone you are in regular contact with that is a constant drain on your life and mood, what should you do? What’s the solution? Well, the answer really depends upon who that person is to you.
Okay, how DO you handle difficult people? Well, if the difficult person is someone you don’t see on a regular basis (a friend of a friend, a stranger, an employee at a store, etc.). You simply make a conscious effort to avoid that person as much as possible and the problem is solved.
You must know that exposing yourself to the influence of negative people is not helping you or those around you.
So, what if the difficult person is a family member, a close friend, or a coworker? This can be a very delicate situation.
In many instances, you can’t simply stop all communication with those folks. Nor should you. But, you should keep in mind that if this person brings you down, they are making your life more unpleasant than it should be. You, or anyone else for that matter, should not have to put up with it on a regular basis. In order to remedy the situation, you’ll most likely have to confront that person about the effect they are having on your life.
Here are five steps that will help guide you through this process:
1 – The chances of the person ever completely changing are very slim. So, change how you view the person. Choose not to focus on the negatives about that person, but the positives, the things you like about them.
2 – If the person says or does something that is affecting you negatively, then express your concerns with “I” statements like… “I feel threatened when you make those comments.” or “I don’t like it when you talk like that.” Using statements like this removes the blame and helps prevent them from getting overly defensive.
3 – If they continue to be drainers, then give him an ultimatum. Let him know that if they continue, then you will have to stop being around them. Don’t be overtly confrontational, but also let them know that you’re serious.
4 – Spend less time with them. It’s a very simple, yet highly effective choice.
5 – Avoid situations that cause problems. If there are certain topics or situations that tend to trigger difficulty, then avoid those things as much as possible. Take the lead, and in most instances, the other person will follow.
Difficult people are hard to deal with, but it has to be done to alleviate your suffering.